Promoting Mistakes is a Mistake

Baby rolling off the bed – check!  The baby eating dog food out of the dog bowl – check!  Allowing child to see a movie they shouldn’t have – check!  Child cussing to imitate daddy in front of church friends – check!  Yes, yes, yes, we all make numerous embarrassing mistakes as parents, so we look around and hope not too many people noticed and we try to do better next time.   It’s Parenting 101.  No one does it perfect, well except maybe for June Cleaver, yet she’s about as real as the pearls I wear while I clean house.    Some recent TV viewing has left me in a state of disbelief.  I strongly feel that maybe only for the sake of helping fellow fledgling parents, we shouldn’t advertise our mistakes,  except for maybe in a blog about 15 years after the fact.

Anyway, you get my drift.  I have yelled too loud at soccer games and in the rare chance that a parent has caught my “Get the ball Blue!” on tape I guess I will just have to live with it but that is nothing compared to the giant televised mistake I saw on TV last week for the first time………………”Dance Moms”!!!

What is this!!!  These moms have their whole lives wrapped up in their daughters dancing and they throw away any sense of parental moral compassing just to keep their child in the limelight.  One episode is all it takes to see that these women are making a huge mistake not only having their daughters take dance lessons from this barracuda, but they are having this aired on television for profit.  Where are the grandparents?  Where are their friends?  My parents would not hesitate to tell me that I should not let my kids go out without coats (or even me go out without lipstick).  Aren’t the grandparents mortified about their grandchildren and children being exploited for entertainment this way?  I understand parents make money from this show airing, but at whose expense?  These poor kids are going to grow up never feeling good enough, despite being incredible dancers, and they will also grow up advertising their parents let a dance teacher run them as well as their children.

I have already made it very clear to my children that they will never, (and I know to never say never – but I’m extremely clear about this one) never are they ever to appear on “The Bachelor” or “ The Bachelorette”.  Crying in a limo because the man you met three days ago doesn’t want to marry you is never anyone’s proudest moment.   Either is reciting a love poem to a complete stranger.  It may make for good television but not for proud home movies.

I’m happy that people can embarrass themselves and live with the ramifications of it.  Heck, I stick my foot in my mouth plenty of times.  Thinking a police officer was flirting with me at the car wash years ago when really he was laughing about the one lens missing in my sunglasses is a hilarious story to recall – but not something I would want to relive commentated by Chris Harrison, claiming, “best embarrassing moment ever!”

So, in a nutshell….  Watch reality shows and enjoy them but also use them as a learning tool to remind you and your children to never be on these shows.  Just buy a video camera and keep it in the family.  Also, beware of cab drivers that seem too interested in you – there just may be a camera in the rear view mirror.

Coming out of the Facebook Closet

Hi! My name is Shelly and I like Facebook.  Whew, I did it.  I was so brave to actually make my confession.  I didn’t realize until recently this was a brave proclamation to make.  I have learned there are many FB haters and they are not afraid to tell you about it.  I will tell you I find it rather odd that many of the people claiming to hate it actually still have one and use one.  I’m wondering if people who enjoy it are afraid to come out of the FB closet and admit they like it, kind of like admitting you like the Twilight movies.   Well, that is absolutely fine.  I like it in the morning, I like it in the day, I like it with green eggs and ham and I like it any old way.

I may not jump up and down with joy when I read that someone tried a new cereal, but I love seeing pictures of my nieces, nephews, my high school friends’ kids, and even peoples cats and dogs.  My day can be brightened by a Bible verse someone posts or just a funny thing my cousin's daughter did.  I love the fact that my elementary school best friend from Texas and I found each other after 35 years and have caught up and kept in touch.  I am inspired by people dedicated to exercise and running marathons (even though I’m on the couch eating a pop-tart while I read about it) and I thoroughly feel like Facebook birthdays are better than having the Olive Garden wait staff sing to you.

I’m personally not into the Farmville, poking and all that other stuff but I see people who get total pleasure out of it and I think it is harmless fun.  I love seeing what my kids post and their friends as well and I like checking up on all my youth group kids.  I have tried shared recipes, learned cures for my daughter’s eczema and received valuable advice regarding my son’s auto accident.  I have prayed with ill friends and cried when friends have lost children.  I find myself sharing good news with my kids about people they don’t even know.   I’m not watching a soap opera of strangers.  These are real people from my life – past and present – some I never thought I’d hear from again – yet some I actually feel I know better than I did back in high school.

I’ve attended functions lately where there have been so many FB haters saying how stupid it is.  My advice is, “don’t use it if you don’t want to.”  It’s obviously not for everybody.  It drove my mom and dad crazy when people were asking to “friend” them that they would call the people and explain that they were only on it to see their grandchildren.  I heard a father complaining about how stupid it was but I thought it was funny to then hear him say he had over 300 friends. I think there are definite situations where Facebook is used irresponsibly.  I’m sure many jobs and friendships have been lost from people venting, and I have heard of old flames reconnecting through FB and divorcing their current spouses.  I also know that cyber bullying is awful and many immature kids are bullying via Facebook.  I’m sure many teens have cried about being “deleted”.   I don’t support any of these uses and I am saddened by awful things that have happened because of abusing the internet through Facebook.  If there was a sure fire method of insuring appropriate Facebook behavior, that would be ideal.  I guess until Mr. Zuckerberg figures out how to set measures to require responsible use (hopefully not through the annoying timeline) use it appropriately and friend people who also use it appropriately.  I usually skip over political rants against my own political party as well as the party I oppose.  I also hate being tagged in a not very flattering picture but these are just part of the game.  My advice regarding Facebook is to use it wisely if you want to use it at all.  If it gives you no pleasure, or you have no desire in keeping in touch with people this way, don’t do it!  No one’s making you go on it, and if an employer or someone is, just remember to not complain about it to your 300 friends!

Family Road Trips

If you are lucky you have many memories of family road trips growing up.  Whether you loved them or you hated them, you were definitely making memories.  People 40 and over probably remember lying in the back window while your siblings were arguing over the imaginary line that keeps them on their own side of the back seat (no one buckled of course).  Dad complaining about bathroom stops, Mom delivering snacks, the constant rolling down of the window and blaming your brothers for the lovely smells that occasionally arise. My poor youngest brother who sat up front between my parents was never allowed to stretch without my other brother and me tickling his armpits (which would result in his whining and our complete denial of any wrongdoing). We didn’t have headsets to listen to IPods or DVD players to watch movies on and couldn’t communicate with our friends with cell phones.  In fact we couldn’t talk to our friends until we got back home from our trip – long distance phone calls from land lines was not an option we were allowed or would even have thought to ask about.  We were stuck with books and drawing, playing the sign game, mooing at cows, and listening to whatever lucky AM station your parents could find that had music from the 50s and 60s.  The highlights were the hotel swimming pools, the occasional water park, miniature golfing, stopping to look at the monuments or walk through museums, visiting people that you don’t remember knowing and if we were really lucky we’d get to hit an amusement park.   Some of the drives were actually more memorable than the places we were visiting.

As my husband, three daughters and I were taking a 5 hour trip to visit our son in college and see him in a play this past weekend, I actually had a crazy moment of reflection.  We were about an hour into the trip and I felt very relaxed.  I had made sure all five of us were packed with every possible necessity, clothes,  jackets, pillows, blankets, “just in case” medication, toiletries,  snacks, drinks and a care package for my son.  I had made sure the car was in good working order with filled tires and a tankful of gas.  I made sure we had plenty of cash, had booked hotel rooms, gotten the play tickets for my son’s play, and had programmed our destination into our navigation system.  I had also made arrangements for our dogs, our mail, our paper, and had talked to my daughters’ schools to have them excused early.  I also made sure to pick up the house so we wouldn’t come home to a stressful mess or nothing to eat when we got home.  All this preparation for a 3 day trip!  As a child I never once considered the preparation my mom did for all of us to go – never once!    I suddenly questioned myself.  Did I ever thank my mom for taking care of all of this so we could have fun trips?  Did I ever thank my dad for all the thousands of miles he drove us and used his savings to give my brothers and I vacations that he had never taken as a child? I never thought that my parents had to do any planning.  I just thought we had to go!  The torch was handed down without any explanation.   We are helping make memories for our kids like our parents did for us.     As I was white knuckling the glove box handle on the way home as my husband drove us through freezing rain with me continually asking him to slow down through the windy mountainous roads, I looked back at my blissfully sleeping and reading daughters and wondered if my parents had ever worried about our safety driving us in similar situations. 

As we pulled into our driveway and unloaded the car and began to do numerous loads of laundry my girls were happy to be home but were talking about how much fun they had seeing their brother.  They loved the Mexican restaurant we ate at that had terrible and over-priced food.  They giggled about the laundromat we went to take their brother’s laundry to that we had to take out of the dryer too early in order to get to his play on time.  Their favorite time of the whole weekend had been sitting in our hotel room and laughing with our entire family as Dad told their brother how obnoxious his sisters had acted in the grocery store.  Seeing everybody laugh and enjoy each other is what makes it all worth it.  It doesn’t matter if you drive to Disneyland,  the Grand Canyon or an overnight campground, family trips are priceless.  Family road trips – precious gifts that teach you to keep on giving. 

Change - If the dog can handle it, you can too!

Change.  Why is it so difficult? I’m not talking about big changes like careers, moves or marital status, but I’m referring to the smaller changes we are faced with day to day. I know we are all creatures of habit and even if we don’t like our habits I guess we like knowing what our habits are.  Yesterday one of my girlfriends was explaining how her Rottweiler doesn’t like change.  I found this funny for a dog as I was envisioning him telling her, “You know, Cathy, I don’t like those new treats you bought me.”   I guess every time something is different, for example someone coming over and putting their shoes in the entryway, the dog barks like crazy, and gets my girlfriend so he can show her what is different.  Then she just tells him that everything is okay.  I guess reassuring a dog is easier than reassuring people.  Yesterday morning at church the Pastor announced that the computer had a virus so the large screen used for showing song lyrics, and bible verses was not available and we would have to resort to the old way of using our worship folders and actually turning to the pages in the hymnals in our pews.  A group of elderly church members (who always sit in the same spot every week) actually applauded and cheered.  How funny!  I love being able to relax at church and just view the screen for lyrics but evidently that high tech change must have been painful for a few.

I guess routines are just comfortable.  How many times do you go out to the same restaurant and order the exact same meal you did the last time you were there, although you keep promising to order something different next time?  We are afraid to take the risk that something we are unfamiliar with might not be as good as something we already like.  People often buy the same breed of dog over and over because they don’t want to risk rocking the boat with a breed they aren’t as familiar with.  I think the generation of kids being raised today adapt to change much easier than the rest of us.  Technology changes so often and kids today aren’t afraid of it.  VHS to DVD to Blue ray, floppy disc to DVD to memory cards, the changes happen, whether we like it or not.  We still keep all our old cassette tapes in a box in the basement – I don’t know why – I guess so someday we can take them to the Antique Road Show.  Math curriculum has changed for kids today and the kids didn’t mind but we parents sure did.  I’m still unable to multiply double digits with the new diagonal grid method but my kids seem to easily be able to go back and forth.  As a substitute teacher I’ve seen some great teaching methods that current teachers use today but I can’t help but question why they changed some learning methods that I learned in school. We had to memorize so much more than kids today.  Our multiplication facts and state capitals are stuck in our heads for life.  Heck, we can still remember our phone numbers from elementary school but kids today don’t have their own friends phone numbers memorized.  They don’t have to.  Technology has made it that a lot of that memorizing is unnecessary.  I hate the changes that have occurred in school lunch programs.  I loved our little lunch ladies who served our hot spaghetti, green beans and garlic bread with cubed jello for dessert.  The school lunches of today look like something you would get at 7-11.  The kids don’t complain – they just bring a sack lunch.

Change creates fear of the possibility of things being worse.  Kids of today live in a fast paced, high tech, easy communication, instant information highway society.  They have lived through 9-11 and war.  They are used to change and adapt accordingly.   Change is inevitable.  It might be a different world today if more of us embraced changed instead of resisted it so much. So many changes are good but difficult to stick with.  When I try sticking to a diet or exercise routine I almost always end up with my old habits coming back but I think instead of embracing the change in my routine I begin to resent it and miss my old ways of eating or of not exercising.  I read something once about not being able to make positive changes if your daily routine doesn’t change – this makes sense to me.

Try a week of embracing change instead of fighting it and see what interesting things develop. I’ve got to go now and play my 8-track tapes.

Perception, Vicodin and DVDs

I have some shocking, gasping, breath taking news!  I’ve actually gotten something together!!!  You can too!   I sent all my old VHS videos (30 years worth) to a company who turned them all into DVDs and mailed them back to me.  You don’t know how many times I’ve purchased some sort of transfer equipment over the years and threatened to actually do this myself.  Yes, maybe I spent a little more turning to one of these companies, but time wise, this was completely worth it!  I know there are lots of local places who do this as well but I used a company called Southtree (www.southtree.com) http://southtree.com/http://southtree.They did a great job and labeled what I had labeled and left blank what I didn’t. After having minor surgery last week, I was laid up a couple of days (huge bummer having to rest) and used some of this time to watch a DVD here and there and label what is actually on there. There are many options of how to convert these videos.  For me, I thought DVD would make the most sense.    

It was interesting to watch a 10 year old video of my family at Christmas and remembering what I thought at that time compared to what I thought as I viewed it ten years later.  Granted I was pretty loopy on Vicodin watching the video, I still noticed so many great things I hadn’t thought of before.  I remember at the time the video was made I didn’t want to be on camera because of my weight and I also remember wishing we were in a bigger house, and I also felt pretty overwhelmed a lot of the time having four kids and not getting all things done I wish I could.  As I watched the video I didn’t think I looked that bad and all I saw was a very happy family in a nice cozy living room laughing and enjoying each other.  It’s interesting how our perception changes with time, experience, wisdom and maturity (and Vicodin). We focus on the negative so easily but with time we realize that there are times in our lives we should have just cherished instead of worrying so much about how we were perceived.

I’m thinking about that picture where you can see a young woman's profile one way when you look at it or an old woman's face if you look at it another way.  I don’t think there’s a right or wrong about what you are supposed to see – unless the lady is moving, then back off the Vicodin.  Truly, what matters is not what others see but it is what you feel about yourself.  If you are not that crazy about yourself right now, find one good thing you like and let it shine through.  What we put out is what people see.  I’m a firm believer in a cup half-full attitude.  Between being positive and praying it seems like life is much easier to handle.  When I get a “poor me” attitude it seems like I am surrounded by negativity.  Notice when someone tells you something negative it’s easy to answer with some negative of your own.  It’s harder to spread positive energy but it’s much more productive.

So, because of my drug induced rambling, I’m feeling good about myself.  One, I got my video project done that I’ve been wanting to complete forever and two, I’m realizing that even though I don’t like myself in videos now I’m going to look great when I watch them ten years from now!

Sure, just drop by............. but please call first!

You know the moment.  You are sitting with your husband watching a movie knowing you should probably be folding the load of clean laundry you threw on the floor in front of you an hour ago and you should probably move the dinner dishes from the sink to the dishwasher.  You should but what the heck, it’s just your family at home, and you are relaxing by golly.  Ding Dong.  Oh my gosh, the door bell!  We didn’t order pizza!  We already bought our girl-scout cookies!  We aren’t expecting anybody.  The dogs are barking.  Maybe if nobody moves, no one will know we are home.  Too late, your youngest daughter inquisitively just answered the door.  Oh great!  The next door neighbor wants to come in and talk to your husband about something.  Quick!  Operation Unexpected Guest!  As your husband awkwardly talks to the neighbor in the entry-way you quickly throw all the unfolded laundry behind the big recliner and start piling the dinner dishes into the microwave.  Your older daughter, who’s already very familiar with the drill starts wiping down the counters and the kitchen table.  The façade must take place.  No one needs to know that we don’t live in a picked up house all the time.  No one needs to know that the only time it’s extremely clean, with organized cupboards and all is when the in-laws are scheduled to arrive. Only after your friends really know you well can you allow them to see the real you – your real house.  Hopefully when people come in they think we just carried the 3 big bags of donations down the stairs that afternoon and they really haven’t been sitting in the living room corner for two weeks.  Only our family and the pizza delivery guy know how long we’ve really left them there.

To be able to actually invite someone into the main level of my home I would prefer an hour notice.  Fifteen minutes notice will get you in the front door but you may or may not be permitted to use the bathroom.  As far as overcoming this dilemma the best thing you can do is give others the same courtesy you would like.  Give a little notice.  If I have to drop something at someone’s house, sometimes I’m even so courteous that I drop off the item and then call them to tell them the item is out front.  This is okay unless you are dropping off their child or their pet.

Please don’t think I don’t like having company for all of you who are saying, “Oh shoot, now I know why she only pops out her head when I stop by!”  I actually love having company but I also like to be prepared.  If my husband is wanting the house looking spectacular all he has to do is invite some friends over, or at least tell me that he has.  I have fallen for it a few times too many.  I can’t believe I actually cleaned the house for no reason whatsoever!

Seriously though, come over, any of you, anytime!  But if you didn’t give me any notice please do me two favors.  One, don’t go in the laundry room for fear you may not find your way out and two, don’t ask me to drive you anywhere – because my car is an entirely different blog post!

Attention all Losers!

So you’re a loser.  Not a Loser loser, just a person who loses or misplaces things.  If you are like me, you always find what you lose, but it does cost you some time and frustration.  As a fellow loser, let me share some tricks that have helped me along the way.

KEYS:  Keys are one of the most common things to lose or to misplace. You leave them in your pocket, throw them on the desk, throw them on the table, leave them in your coat or even your car.  You are at your destination so keys are just a nuisance at that point and you are ready to put them down.  I’ve seen this gadget where you attach this special key chain to your keys and then you whistle to find your keys.  This requires two things, 1) you know how to whistle, and louder than a whistle-like blow and 2) you don’t have a dog that thinks you’re going to take him for a walk every time you whistle.  If your dog comes every time you whistle then your solution could be to attach a fancy key holding collar to your dog.  You would always know where your keys were as long as you always knew where your dog was.  Too bad you couldn’t attach your phone or remote control to him too.  But honestly, the easiest thing is to have a cute dish to throw your keys in or a cute key holder hanging on your wall like I do.  You get yourself in a habit of putting your keys there and trust me, after awhile, it’s a miracle; you never lose your keys at home anymore.  This solution does not help you with people who lock their keys in their car when they go places.  That’s what Onstar is for! You just call Onstar and they say, “Oh, hi again, Mrs. Costello, do you still have that cold you had last week….how did Megan’s test go”….. and then they unlock your car.

SUNGLASSES:  Sunglasses are another item easy to put down and forget where you left them and you run late for your appointment because you are in a mad search to find them before you leave the house.  Again, solution is a cute place to put them.  We have this hanging rack in our kitchen that seriously has like twelve pairs of sunglasses hanging from it.  It’s quite a conversation piece when people come over because it’s a bit obnoxious but everyone in our house can always find their sunglasses.  (The dog won’t keep these on, so don’t even try my other idea.)

ATM/CREDIT CARD:  If you’re like me and you’re a pocket girl and even though you have over fifty purses (and continue to buy more because one can never have too many purses) you still want to throw your cards in your pocket instead, then you have probably laundered money….or at least your debit card.  Twice when I have misplaced my debit card I have found it in the dryer.  Yes, it still works and it’s nice and shiny too.  However, I do not recommend this process.   Instead, buy one of those cute little rectangle, folding card holders with a clasp.  You can easily throw this in your pocket or your purse without the risk of a single card falling out.  And if it goes through the wash, you will still be able to see your security code afterward.  Note:  putting debit cards, etc. in your pockets drives your anal, organized friends and family members crazy to see you do this and they will continue to buy you cool purses for every occasion in hopes you get the hint.

REMOTE CONTROLS:  First of all, you must have a universal remote because your odds of losing the remote controller increase with every additional remote controller you own.  Second, make sure it’s fairly large, so you can see it or feel it in the cushions or under the couch. It seems as if no one can return the remote controller to the cute designated basket.  So my only advice is to purposely misplace it a few times and make the kids operate the TV as if in the olden days and actually have to push the buttons on the television (which many will not know how to do) and after they realize all the exercise they will be partaking in with getting up and down to control the TV, they will then begin to remember to put the remote control back in its proper holding place.

CELL PHONES:  If you are like my family you constantly hear, “Call my phone so I can see where it is” and then later after you find it you’re like, “Shoot, I missed a call!” Hopefully if you have an IPhone you have the “Where’s my IPhone?” app.  I’ve never used this and am hoping it will work if I lose my IPhone someday but I have a secret concern that I will somehow need my IPhone to use the app to find my IPhone.  I’m sure that’s not the case but make sure you have the app anyway.   In my household, we have six people and six cell phones.  Phones get misplaced but always seem to turn up (and one time went through the wash) but our solution is a little odd.  We keep an old cell phone around so that until the lost phone magically appears again you can program and activate your old phone until you find the lost one.  Tip: Don’t just keep the old pink phones.  This tends to irritate the boys in the family while they are missing their phones – but it does make them seem to find their lost ones quicker.

Don’t feel bad for being a loser.  Just adjust your habits to adapt to your loser ways. Click on Comments below to leave a tip for fellow losers.